it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
