i was born a porn star she said
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
