there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
