her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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