I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
