So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
please don't ironically join a cult
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