is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
