One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
