dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
