It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
