I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
be right there i have to get my cape
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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