he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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