I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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