I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You're like the curious george of whores
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i've created a new STD.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
