My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your penis caused this!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
