when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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