I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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