Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
