if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
