1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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