His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
