at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
