After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
