By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
