Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
