and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
