Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
