It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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