I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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