He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it's like iHOP with fire
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
