sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
