why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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