So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
