You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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