just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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