Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
