Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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