So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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