C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
