Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
