Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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