wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
