So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
