Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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