'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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