Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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