so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
