In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
