PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Randomize
