He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
