If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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