she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
