I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
