What did we do last night that was yellow?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
