he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
