while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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