You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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